i can't do this much longer !

i’m literally just so close to giving up, i can’t even do this anymore. i literally can’t be friends with girls at my school for some reason, or there’s those times when i think they are and i’m just really really not. But they don’t say this to my face because you know that would only make things easier. i don’t get why they all hate me, and i’m not trying to be like oh i’m perfect I’m the best everyone loves me because i know i’m most definitely not, but i do everything right by them, always, yet i always get fucked over. And what am i meant to do now? i have basically four friends out of my whole year level that i can actually be me around and the rest i just barely talk or anything and just listen to them, not once have any of them asked me what’s wrong. i go out of my way everyday multiple times trying to help out people who are down or whatever and they take me up on it and then leave me in my times of need. i don’t get what i do wrong. Why they will all be my friends for a few weeks that drop me quicker then a hot piece of coal. i seriously think i need to change schools at the end of the year or the depression and everything will get worse. But then what if it really is me? What if i go to school and have no one? i don’t know what i’m meant to do. i just, i’m losing it i think… And no one can even tell most of the time or it that they just really don’t care, i just i can’t… But then it’s like if i do change schools, i don’t even know what school I’m meant to go to, i can’t go to another all girls or i’ll lose my mind, and then it’s like all my good friends go to like all boys schools so i just like if i go to a new school i’m going to know practically no one … But maybe that’s a good thing… i seriously don’t know… i don’t know what i’m meant to do … Every night i cry because i don’t know that when i wake up i’m going to have anyone, and the worst is it’s slowly coming true. And when i do eventually wake up with no one, then nothing good can happen. i fear that day most because i know i won’t be able to cope. i don’t understand what i’m meant to do. T.T